Relationships

10 Things Every Woman Should Know

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Hi there ladies! I want to share these ten truths that I have learned; most through personal experience and some from observing other women learn these lessons.

LESSON 1 – Take Control Of Your Own Life

When you allow people to dictate to you how you should walk, talk, use your time, resources and emotional energy your really are becoming a doormat and have let people overstep their boundaries. Eventually you become frustrated and unhappy. It is YOUR life, and you CHOOSE how you are going to respond to situations and people.

LESSON 2- Your Opinion Counts

Never allow another person’s opinion be the thing which makes or breaks you- if you notice a pattern where your self-esteem and worth lie on what someone says or doesn’t say, then you need to break that habit fast! As long as who you are is not detrimental to yours or anyone elses’ health, then it is ok to be you! If you suddenly wear black shoes because your friend said that you red shoes are not in this summer, but you like your red shoes then get them out and wear them again. Listen to me girlfriend, you will literally become sick trying to please everybody because people keep changing their minds about what keeps them happy.

LESSON 3- It’s Your Happiness

Take charge of your own happiness. Misery breeds misery and miserable people do not like being in the company of happy people. The world does not owe you a thing, by the way. Quit blaming people, walking with a chip on your shoulder and just get on with life. I know that mean people have done nasty things to you but you have to decide that you will be happy for your own sake.

LESSON 4 – Walk Away

I’m talking about walking away from abusive relationships, unfruitful friendships, or anything that steals your joy, peace and sanity! Your physical, spiritual and emotional health depend on this.

LESSON 5 – Your World

If your outer world is in turmoil, then honey, you have to check what is going on inside. Take a weekend and ask yourself the following questions:

– Do I base my happiness on internal/external factors?

-Am I really doing what I know will make me happy?

– Am I holding onto my past?

– Can I improve my attitude?

Be honest with yourself because this is introspection and it helps.

LESSON 6- The Only Constant Love

It is not found in your boyfriend, your fame or the recognition you get for being so awesome (lol). My dear friend, when others label you He sees a diamond that needs to be polished. When you are rejected, abandoned, used, and mocked… the only person who will still love you even at your worst is GOD. Choose to build a relationship with Him, this is what Christ desires for you. You can disagree with me – sooner or later you will be on the floor seeking His direction. If you are searching for answers.. keep looking because He will reveal Himself to you. One thing I have learned through trial and error is that God was always the only constant source of love. And remember that your own mother can forsake you, but not God. Quit putting your trust in fleeting things, but put your trust in a merciful, loving God who wants to put the pieces together.

LESSON 7 – Value

Value yourself and others will. De-value your worth and the rest will not see it. The truth is, so many people are worried over their own lives that they really will not want to remind you of your worth. It is rare to have people who will encourage you because they may envy you. Do not wait for Mr. Right or Miss She’s So Cool to remind you of the precious woman you are. Start looking at yourself with a whole new perspective and learn to love yourself dearly.

LESSON 8 – Relationships

Please do not drop the things you love doing or fit him into your schedule even when he turns up an hour late. Be honest ladies, if you know you are giving more than you are receiving it is not right. You know why? A man who truly loves his woman would never be selfish in terms of what he gives- with his time and affection and many other things. A man who is in love is giving. If you make him a 4 course meal but he won’t buy you dinner, if he you find yourself thinking about him too much – then you need to get yourself a hobby and relax! Be balanced, stand your ground and do not revolve your life around him. Men respect women who are independent and have a life of their own. Remember that if he does not appreciate you, it is HIS fault, and as Dr. Phil always say, “HE LOST THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HIM”.

LESSON 9 – Your Health

Please exercise, change your diet, stop the bingeing and totally fall in love with your body. Go shopping and choose clothes that flatter your body, speak good words over it, paint your toenails in pretty bright colours, wear lipgloss, keep your smile white and pearly, for goodness’ sake, love the body you’re in!

LESSON 10 – Believe

Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. Have faith that things will work out for good. Dream big and believe in your ideas. Write down your goals and set out to achieve them. Start looking at life differently. Re-new your mind with faith-filled words. Fight for a better you. Fight for a better life.

                                                                                 IT ALL BEGINS WITH YOU!

 

Image taken from art.com

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She aint no Gold Digger!

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After much research and asking for people’s opinions, I finally have an idea of how men feel about women and money, and vice-versa. In fact, this article is going to explore some of the reasons why women say they would not settle down with a man who is broke, and how men think that women are actually after their money. I will begin by giving reasons why I chose to write this article and will close with MY opinion. This is definitely an interesting read so ladies (and gentlemen if you dare), enjoy this one!

Before I get into the issue, my definition of a broke man is, “A MAN WHO IS NOT AMBITIOUS TO GO BEYOND THE LEVEL AT WHICH HE IS. THIS IS A MAN WHO WANTS TO SETTLE FOR ANYTHING AND DOES NOT HAVE A LONG-TERM PLAN TO BUILD WEALTH FOR HIS ENJOYMENT AND HIS FAMILY’S. THIS APPLIES EITHER IN HIS CAREER OR HIS BUSINESS ASPIRATIONS”.

So while I am talking about this, do not get me wrong. I would marry a man while he is still performing on average, but not if he is not working towards a larger vision for the future. I recently began to open my eyes about the subject of money; particularly money and security. The interest sparked when I listened to a well-known South African Platinum-digger  ramble on about why she would never settle with a broke man. Though I do not agree with her methods of acquiring money, I believe that deep down every woman wants and needs security from the man she chooses to marry. It is a simple truth which cannot be denied that as women, when we are proposed to, we need to know that even if we bring a contribution to the marriage table, that the man is in a position to make sure that we move into his house, he has a car and that he can his bills. Traditionally, this is how it has been done for a long time but suddenly because women now can afford to purchase a Range Rover, a lot of men have decided to take a backseat. I know that in this materialistic world, the past decade has produced GOLD DIGGERS and it is not fair for the guys. I am completely against that. Yet, why is it that when a hard-working woman who can hold her own, when she says she will not marry a broke man… why is that a problem? And why are men increasingly become suspicious of females? I recently asked people to answer those questions for me and here is what the ladies had to say. These respondents are from diverse cultural backgrounds, races, but are more or less in the same generation group.

LADIES, WOULD YOU MARRY A BROKE MAN?

Most women certainly do not entertain the idea. Every woman that I asked responded by saying that she needs to feel secure with a man, and in fact is looking for someone who has a larger vision for his life. Not only will this help the marriage, but it will also make the children feel proud of their dad. Another point that struck me is, all of these women are people who are making it on their own and already have Masters Degrees, some Honours Degrees, others are even working and taking care of themselves. These women, who feel that they have invested too much of their time in their goals do not want to settle for a mediocre man. Other women stated that one of the biggest causes of divorce is due to financial difficulties. Others said that if they bring something to the table, they do not want a man who is going to bring only a tenth just because she is in a position to bring in a lot. The only lady who said she would, because love is love, also said that she knows that there are male users nowadays. One lady said that she believes that women have been conditioned to settle for less and that because men tend to frown upon women who want men with big goals (maybe because of gold diggers), women choose to settle. She also added that she would never settle for a broke man because she is going places and it is common sense to settle down with someone who is financially stable. In general, these women also agreed that money cannot buy love, but it WILL pay the bills AND the school fees.

 

GENTLEMEN, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE LADIES ARE AFTER YOUR MONEY?

The largest respond was a resounding YES. The gentlemen who agreed to contribute spoke about how they cannot pick up a women driving a cheap car, how money makes the world go  round and that women notice men with money. One who made me laugh said he knows that the woman in his life is certainly not after money because of his dry pockets. I suppose what he was trying to tell me is, Neo, I found a woman who loves me for me. One even went as far as saying that if a man pretends he has money the ladies will come flocking. However, one gentleman said that it is unfair to paint all women with one brush and it is not absolute that all women are  after a man’s money. Apparently, men can still find genuine love. Another gentleman said that women who are after money are after security and that is so shallow.

MY OPINION

Any woman in her right mind wants security, especially those who are going to be home makers, without having to work, how else will they survive? Any intelligent woman who has found her passion for life and is working to make ends meet on her side will not settle for a man who wants to feed off of her or is not ambitious to even work harder. I believe that women should not have to compete with their husbands economically, but at the rate that the world is going, it is sad that this is happening. I am aware that there are gold-diggers lurking our streets and these women really just need to get a J.O.B. I do not respect what they are doing. I also believe that men should be careful then with who they will spend their money on, but must not paint all of us with the same brush and be stinging towards their wives, or not give a woman a chance simply because he fears she will take his money. If men are as smart as they claim to be then they can sniff a gold digger from miles away. Ladies, I encourage each one of you to keep shining and to hold your own. It is an amazing thing that you attract who you are. Once a man sees that you respect yourself, you can take control of your own life and that you act responsibly, when he is serious about you he will have no problem taking care of you once you two have settle down.

I would like to extend my sincere appreciation to those of you who contributed to the compilation of this article. God bless.


Image taken from http://www.blogs.smh.au

 

Multiple Partners- An Accepted Norm?

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Recently, I was at a  lovely restaurant having dinner with my girlfriend when a few gentleman requested to join our table. Since we were in the mood for meeting new people we gladly welcomed them. One of the guys, a very attractive man, well-spoken and a delight to be around, threw a certain ‘proposal’ at me, and, being the inquisitive  person I am, I finally got the truth out of the casanova: he had a girlfriend!

Turned off, I asked him why he would approach me in such a manner and he said that it was normal. I have never seen him since but the following Monday at work, I brought the topic up to a few ladies who I thought were smart. To my surprise, the ladies also agreed and said that all men cheat and that if you are dating someone, just know that there is someone else involved. SO ACCORDING TO THEM, it is okay to be with another woman’s man! 

I feel that today’s society is completley messed up. Too may women are settling for junk! Let me tell you something dear, do not settle for a man who will be with another woman. As long as you know that you are able to be faithful and you do the best you do, then you deserve the best. Do not believe the lie that all men are bad and that if a man says he loves you, it is ok to compromise in that department. No, you need to respect yourself and know that somewhere out there is a man who will give you his all. So stand your ground, and treat yourself like a lady; you then will find the man who will return the favour. As Liquideep say in their track, ” You know I won’t settle, settle for less, and I don’t want us if we aint the best”.

DO NOT SETTLE!

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I have made the mistake of settling with a guy just because I believed a lie from the pit of Hell, that nobody would be able to treat me better. How silly was that? Ladies, ladies, ladies please listen to me. I promise you that there are more than enough men out there who are willing to treat you like a queen if you allow them to!

Women more than men have been known to settle with a partner just because they believed that they would never find a better one. I have seen many ladies lower their standards because they believed a lie. I personally feel that any man who is willing to call me his, should value the incredible human being that I am. I want to be treated with respect, listened to, laugh with someone and feel safe. Treat me like a queen and I will gladly treat you like a king. Think of all the ladies you know and admire for having scooped themselves great men. If you observe them you will see that these are women who love and respect themselves to the point where they can love their partner but love themselves even more. And yes, if you want a great partner you must also work on being a better individual. I cannot understand why you would want to settle for less when there are armies of men dying to appreciate your intellect, connect with you spiritually and spoil you in  the best way that they can afford. Would you rather settle for a wimp who hardly gives you the time of day or someone you can build a respectful relationship with? Anyone with half a brain knows that a man who is looking for an attractive, smart and warm female would not settle with an average, self-centered woman. It is not rocket science to know that a man who is looking for a Proverbs 31 woman (google it) would not settle with a loose woman who is unsteady.

People will criticize you for it, call you names like ‘diva’ and the like… but I will not settle! If it offends you then go and get therapy… God did not create me to be mistreated and under appreciated by a man. If I know I can be a great partner, then why can’t he compromise a s well? lADIES, PLEASE DO NOT SETTLE! And if you think you love Fred so much and you are going to spend the rest of your life with him but you know you are settling then you are being narrow minded. Issues of the heart are difficult, yes. But if you need to move on, remember that time heals everything. These are wise words from a friend. Explore the world, go to different places… you haven’t met Tom, Dick or Jabulani yet! There is so much out there for each of us and we need to ask God to unveil the truth to us. So go and have yourself a wonderful day and remember that you are so unique, incredible and special.

James or Jabu?

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Hello my beautiful readers! Earlier on I had a very interesting conversation with a friend and we debated the idea of growing with a partner. We all want to meet our Prince Charming…and the guys want to meet their Cinderellas (or SPENDArellas!). Now, we all have a long list of what we want in a partner and of course we do not want a lazy, idle person.

Yesterday during my quiet time with God I requested that the man He brings me should have a job, house… all the things I would want. Of course knowing that I also will add my part. However, is it better to meet someone who is already established or somebody who is working towards a goal?

Let us look at this from two perspectives. We will use the names, Sophie, James and Jabulani (lol).

Sophie is a beautiful, sexy, God-fearing woman who wants only the best for her life. She is 25 years of age and is looking for a stable a with a mature man. She is looking for comfort, luxury and love. Now there are two men who are interested in courting her and would love a bright future with her. But you know how the story goes… the best man wins! And even if the early bird catches the worm, it can still drop out of the bird’s beak! Let us take a look at the following profiles.

JAMES is an attractive, 36 year old Black man. He is so fine that Morris Chestnut has got nothing on him! He smells good, has swagg, is confident, loves God and is an investment banker. This man is currently investing in oil and has a great corporate track record. James lives in a plush apartment in Sandton and drives a Range Rover. He is a spendthrift so Sophie can expect great gifts. Clearly, his prospective babe doesn’t have to worry about much materially…right? James does spend time with people but he does not make it a priority to really know women at a deep level because he can get anything  he wants. He is very charming though.

Bra Jabulani is of course a Black,  smart, ambitious man. He is 27 years of age but lives in Weltevreden Park (a far cry from Sandton). He drives a modest BMW and lives in a two-bedroomed flat. He is God fearing, funny and very attractive. However, he saving money to start up a business and is also looking toward investments. Since he is saving most of his money, he can only afford to take his prospective honey on very average dates (no hot air ballon rides!). Yet he has a well of wisdom in his spirit, and is kind towards people; he genuinely loves. He has a ten year plan and is focusing on the long-term.

Whom should Sophie go for? It can be quite tricky. Let us be honest here, ladies… what do we really want? Every girl wants to be wined and dined and be treated like gold. But is it better to meet somebody who is already established, or somebody you know has a plan and that you can support in the difficult times? We all know that money is important but what will stand the test of time? Money or an unshakeable love? I know that it is purely subjective… and I know what I want. I want a man who is ambitious and who loves me unconditionally… I want to spend time with him and not for what he has.. I want to know his deepest fears and share his moments of joy with him. I want to be there when he struggles and when he prospers because I know that if he sees that I went through the fire with him.. he would do the same for me. Most importantly, I want to experience love at its best. So ladies, I would choose Jabulani. Tell me what you think. Have a blessed day. I would like the men to comment as well.

I DO no I DON’T

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I am sure that most of us are above the age of 22. So assuming that, most people are planning on or at least have an idea of the kind of man she would like to marry. When we were young we used to play with Barbie Dolls and each one would always have a Ken. There were also the days we would play ‘House’. Whilst girls were fantacising about ‘Prince Charming’ and watching ‘Happily Ever Afters’ our Knights in Shining Armour were playing in mud, climbing tress and beating each other up. We dreamt of the day he would arrange something romantic and spontaneous, go on his knees and say the magic words…

But is marriage a reality in our crazy society? I actually asked some of the readers’ opinions.. and there were mixed responses. Some people said that they thought marriage was outdated, others thought it was the most beautiful thing God made, and many others stressed the importance of money in marriage. I thank all of my participants for their imput.. let us read my opinion now.

I have never been married and to be honest, in as much as I think it is extremely risky, I would like to get married. However, from what I have observed form close relatives and friends, as well as celebrity couples, you really must know the person you are getting into communion with. But how well can you really know a person? It takes a life time. Many people have a negative perception of marriage because of what their parents experience on a daily basis, in unhappy marriages. True, divorce is an ugly thing but I would rather be divorced than be stuck in a marriage that is beyond repair. Can we truly prevent marriage from becoming doomed? I always have said and I will say it again, that besides unconditional love, trust, friendship, both parties really need to put their FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS  on the table. The major cause of divorce today is due to miscommunication about money. Many people make the mistake of just ‘falling in love at the moment’, admiring Casanova’s stunning looks and assuming they will cruise off into paradise. What a dismal mistake!

You need to establish what you want out of a prospective partner and build those qualities in yourself first. You want a man who handles finances well.. handle yours! You want somebody who is ambitious..empower yourself and respect yourself! You want a wealthy man.. make your own money.. have something to show for yourself. And remember not to rush into anything just because you are broke at the moment or you are needy. You may end up destroying your life and your childrens. God honestly made marriage to be a union of two souls, governed by HIS leadership, to be enjoyed and fulfilled emotionally, sexually and spiritually. If you want to get married drop the negative perceptions you have, learn how to go for the best and trust your judgement. Be very wise when choosing the type of men you date. Get into marriage only when you are whole. And never feel pressured to rush into the act; IT WILL NO T BRING YOU HAPPINESS. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Marriage is a two-way stream of giving and receiving. I hope you find your Prince one day and I pray to God you SIGN A PRENUP!

LOVE!!

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LOVE, LOVE LOVE!! What is love, really? Love actually, is everything. Have you watched the movie, Love Actually? I suggest you do.

My heart has been broken so many times that there was a time in life I actually became rather bitter. Man, I had a bad attitude towards everything and everybody and I wasted so much time!!!!!! This included MEN (DUH!), some of my friends, life in general, sometimes God. I guess my heart was so hardened and bitter and callous by all the pain from past betrayals, hurt, rejection and back biting. People who were very close to me or were supposed to be role models let me down. My father figures were not the best and left me with a distorted image about men. Okay so basically I was pretty MAD at the world and I can honestly say that I did not have the capacity to love.

You know, something amazing happens when you learn to forgive, let go, bury it and reach out to others who are hurting or who just need somebody to be there. When you take your focus off yourself just for one day and focus on bringing joy to another person’s life. I am all for loving myself and self-development ans so forth but I do not want to become self-absorbed. That is the most boring way to live life, honestly! It’s so great to fall in love with yourself (not in a narcissistic way) over again. It is so cool to give love to somebody else. I am not just referring to erotic love, I am referring to AGAPE love. The unconditional love that you show a friend. When you love humanity enough to show people a glimpse of God through a caring act or an encouraging word or a smile. If you have a great smile show love with it, lets see it! Did you know that when you smile at somebody who is gloomy they immediately pick up positive energy? I just love the effect my smile has on people! All too often we try to protect ourselves by preventing love from coming out- stop that right now! I am not telling you to fall in love with every Tom, Dick or Jabulani. I am talking about the LOVE for life; the LOVE for others when you purposely reach out to a friend or anybody really; the LOVE for God when you spend time with Him, the LOVE for wisdom so you can live a good life. Anything done OUT of the context of love, which really is heartfelt passion will never really bring true fulfillment. I want you to take a good look at your heart and be honest with yourself. Are you breeding jealousy, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, self-loathing… what is going on in there? Write it down and decide to work on clearing out the debris. I want you to be happy and to fall in love with yourself and life, but you have to let your baggage GO! In Proverbs there is a scripture that states, ‘Guard your heart will all diligence and above all that own, for out of it flow the issues of life”. Deal with your issues so you can be free to love.